Transitioning to Child Care

One of the most fundamental and intimate human needs is the need for connection and belonging—the feelings and experiences of being valued and of forming meaningful relationships with others. Ontario’s pedagogical document How Does Learning Happen? describes belonging as a core foundation of the framework.  

"When children are strongly connected to their caregivers, they feel safe and have the confidence to play, explore, and learn about the world around them. Enabling children to develop a sense of belonging as part of a group is also a key contributor to their lifelong well-being. A sense of belonging is supported when each child’s unique spirit, individuality, and presence are valued."

Home child care environments allow children to grow and learn within the comfort and structure of a family setting. Just as with any family, connection and relationship between the members of a home child care family are essential. A strong foundation of trust, open communication, mutual respect, and kindness between a parent and provider will allow the child to flourish.

All children are different and each child will adjust to child care in their own time and way.  Factors including the child's age, communication skills, and comfort with being left in the care of others, all contribute to how a child might react when starting child care.  

Here are a few general things to expect: 

• A range of emotions that might include excitement, joy, apprehension, sadness, and/or worry. 
• A possible change in behaviour and/or eating/sleeping/toileting habits. 
• Days that are easy and hard days.

“If we who are responsible for children can give a sense of belonging, a sense of significance; if we can hold onto the heart and make it safe, if we can give them a sense of being known…this creates the womb for maturation.” - Gordon Neufeld

• Read about child care together and talk about it warmly and lovingly. See the book list at the bottom of the page. 

• If possible, visit your library, park, or local playgroup for an opportunity to observe and/or interact with others (adults and children), enjoy circle or story time,  see new faces, hear new voices, try new activities, etc.  Regular neighbourhood walks can also provide an opportunity for your child to see other people, get used to being out and about, and get to know their surroundings. 

• Nurture a strong relationship between your child and their new caregiver. Build trust with a gradual entry and a slow warm-up to child care. When your child sees you interact positively, they will learn from your cues that the caregiver is a safe person that they can rely on to meet their needs and provide comfort and care. 

• Get familiar with the new morning and daycare routines ahead of time.  Practice waking up and getting ready.  Adjust nap/bedtime routines as needed.  Prepare what you can the night before. 

• Ease into the new child care schedule together. Your provider can help you plan a smooth and gradual transition period. For example, starting with shorter visits and working up to full days.

• Practice separating and saying goodbye. Start by taking a walk or running a short errand while you leave your child with another trusted adult. Be sure to tell your child that you are leaving, that they'll be cared for by Granny/a neighbour/etc., and that you'll be home soon. Try to give a time marker that will be familiar to your child: after snack, in time for lunch, before bath, etc. 

• Share lots of information about your child with their caregiver: any distinctive cues (i.e. when tired), special words they might use (Is "baba" for bottle or blanket, or is it what they call their Dad or Grandma?), activities and foods they enjoy, any particular fears or dislikes, etc. If your language at home is different than the language at child care, share a few basic words or phrases with your caregiver. 

• If possible, visit your library, park, or local playgroup for an opportunity to observe and/or interact with others (adults and children), enjoy circle or story time,  see new faces, hear new voices, try new activities, etc.  Regular neighbourhood walks can also provide an opportunity for your child to see other people, get used to being out and about, and get to know their surroundings. Nurture a strong relationship between your child and their new caregiver. Build trust with a gradual entry and a slow warm-up to child care. When your child sees you interact positively, they will learn from your cues that the caregiver is a safe person that they can rely on to meet their needs and to provide comfort and care. Get familiar with the new morning and daycare routines ahead of time.  Practice waking up and getting ready.  Adjust nap/bedtime routines as needed.  Prepare what you can the night before. 

• Bridge the separation by focusing on the next point of connection: "When I pick you up we'll...", "Tonight before dinner...", "After daycare we're going to...", "On our way home, let's...". Be sure to follow up with whatever you've said. This doesn't need to be a big activity, it can be as simple as checking the mailbox, reading a book, or listening to a favourite song in the car. The focus is on the two of you being together again. This is something that I can remind your child of throughout the day when they are looking for you as well.

• Give your child something physical to take care of while you're away: a family photo, a little note, something small to keep in their bag. This item will also be a comfort for when they are missing you or feeling sad. Please make sure it isn't a toy to bring to daycare because other kids wanting to play with it too could create a situation that is the opposite of what we are trying to provide.

• Create a goodbye ritual --a special hug, a kiss in their palm, a little rhyme, a few special words, a wave at the window, etc. and say/do it at every drop off. (See Transition Rituals below).

• Say goodbye and let your child know that you are leaving. Sneaking off can increase anxiety and leave a child with feelings of mistrust, creating a sense of unease or panic. The child is left in a state of "high alert" wondering if you might suddenly appear or disappear.  

• Drop-offs should be kept short. A quick goodbye, tell them you will be back, a little kiss/goodbye ritual, and leave with a smile. This should be under 5 minutes. Your child will learn to trust by seeing that you are confident in leaving them with the caregiver.

• Know that tears are ok. Missing you is ok. Being sad about the separation is ok. These are all indicators of a strong attachment to you--tears, missing you, and sadness are all very healthy and normal during the transition to child care. Before or during drop off you can validate their emotions and offer reassurance.  "I know that you're sad, I will miss you too.  Angela is going to take good care of you". Continue to keep the drop-off short and follow a simple, consistent, drop-off routine. 

• Be on time for pick up.  At home, and if necessary, revisit any sadness and reassure your child.  "You were sad this morning. I missed you too.  I'm glad that we have this time together now.".  Provide time and attention to play and connect--even if only for a short while.  For an older child, ask them about their day and follow up with other open-ended questions.

• When it is time to go home if your child isn't going with you and is distracted please refrain from telling them you are going to leave them behind as this creates more anxiety and negative feelings about coming to daycare.

• Make sure there are no other major changes in your child's life.  Changes such as moving, taking soothers away, having a baby, stopping to breastfeed, etc. should be put off for a few weeks if at all possible.

• Communicate openly with me and feel free to ask for suggestions to ease the transition.  I have done this many times before and can offer valuable advice.  

• Respect the child care policies and routines.  I have been in this industry for over 14 years and work diligently to plan a balanced day that works for all of the children in their care.  

Sleep plays a crucial role in the development of young minds. In addition to having a direct effect on happiness, research shows that sleep impacts alertness and attention, cognitive performance, mood, resiliency, vocabulary acquisition, and learning and memory. In toddlers, napping appears to be necessary for memory consolidation, executive attention, and motor skill development. Sleep also has important effects on growth, especially in early infancy.

Tips on How to Make Sure Your Child Gets a Full Night's Sleep:

Sleep needs change as your child grows older, but whether you’re dealing with a 2-year-old toddler or a stubborn teenager, research shows that a consistent bedtime routine is helpful for making sure your child gets enough sleep. Whatever activities you choose, try to do the same ones every day in the same order so your child knows what to expect.

A typical bedtime routine might include:

• Turning off computers, TV screens, video games, and other bright lights. 
• Putting on pajamas and brushing teeth
• Reading a light book, singing a lullaby, or taking a bath
• Picking a stuffed animal or security blanket for the night for toddlers

The best time to put your child to bed is when they’re sleepy, not when they’re already asleep. This helps them learn how to fall asleep on their own. If preschool children wake up in the middle of the night, walk them back to their bed. It’s best not to let infants sleep in your bed, as co-sleeping increases the risk of sudden infant death syndrome.

It’s important to give your child regular exercise, but don’t fall into the trap of exhausting your child to have them sleep better at night. More often than not, this will make them overtired and actually make it harder to fall asleep. Learn to recognize the special level of hyper that means your toddler is too tired, so you can put them to bed before things turn sour. 

Sleep Tips for Toddlers: 

Young toddlers have a sleep schedule supplemented by napping during the day. Toddler sleep problems are compounded by separation anxiety and a fear of missing out, which translates to stalling techniques and stubbornness at bedtime. You can cut down on these complaints by giving them control over minor choices like which pajamas to wear or which book to read. Try to be patient, firm, yet loving because power struggles are likely to elicit a stronger response from them.

The morning is important, too. Though it’s tempting to let your kids sleep in on the weekends, this can disrupt their sleep schedule and make it harder to wake up during the week. Try not to overschedule extracurricular activities if you notice these having a detrimental effect on their sleep time.

If you’re practicing healthy sleep hygiene and your child is still feeling sleepy or having trouble falling asleep or staying asleep at night, it might be time to visit a doctor to see if they have a sleep condition. You can also ask their teacher to keep you updated on their attention levels. Difficulty concentrating, hyperactive behavior, or learning problems may indicate they are not getting proper sleep.

How much Sleep Do Babies and Kids Need?

• Age, temperament, and developmental differences can influence how much sleep a child needs.
• Infants (0-3 months): 14-17 hours, including naps
• Infants (4–12 months: 12–16 hours, including naps
• Toddlers (1–2 years): 11–14 hours, including naps
• Preschool (3–5 years): 10–13 hours, including naps
• School-age (6–13 years): 9–12 hours
• Teens (14–17 years): 8–10 hours

Even though kids sleep for fewer hours than babies, sleep remains critical to their overall health and development. Lack of sufficient sleep at a young age has been correlated with problems with weight, mental health, behavior, and cognitive performance. 

Some of the most common sleep disorders in children are night terrors and nightmares, sleep apnea, sleep talking and sleepwalking, snoring, and restless leg syndrome. 

Nap time is often the most challenging part of the transition process--both for a new child and for the provider helping several children settle into sleep.  Parents can take some important practical steps, at home before starting daycare, to make this process easier for everyone. 

• Several weeks before starting home child care, slowly adjust your child's naps to the daycare's nap schedule--both for starting and ending naps. 

• If your child needs help to fall asleep--being held, rocked, nursed, someone to be by their side, etc. falling asleep at daycare will be much harder.  Gently help and support your child to fall asleep without being held.

"If the parent can get the child to sleep by laying them down, rubbing their back, using soft soothing music etc., by the time they go to child care going to sleep is not such a big leap. I transition children over two weeks, no naps until the middle of the second week (sleep is the last sign of a child settling in). It usually takes about 3 weeks for the average child to start having a decent nap."

-  home child care provider

It's common for children between 12-18 months old to require a short morning nap. To help ease them out of this habit over time, my program is designed to include morning naps. The longer afternoon nap should align with the time when other children are resting.

Daycare Nap Schedule:

• Children under 18 months who need a morning nap it starts around 9:00 am
• All children go down for a morning nap between 12:30 - 1:00 pm
• According to the Ministry of Education, all children who receive care for more than 6 hours a day and are not attending school are required to have a minimum of 1-hour nap/quiet time. It is mandatory to provide this resting time for the children, and if they fall asleep during this period, they will not be disturbed, as it is assumed they require the rest. Please note that watching TV in the playroom is not an acceptable activity during this period, as it may confuse the children about the distinction between playtime and nap time.

Although many children stop napping by age 6, remember that nap preferences can be different for every child. In preschools with scheduled nap time, some children sleep easily, but others —  up to 42.5% in one study  — fall asleep only sometimes or not at all and transitioning to a quiet time is recommended for their bodies and minds to rest.

• At 4 years old 60% of kids still nap
• At 5 years old 30% of kids still nap
• At 6 years old 10% of kids still nap

Breastfeeding can also impact your child's transition to daycare.   Be sure to work out a plan with your caregiver well in advance.  While dropping by at lunch to nurse your little one might seem ideal, the reality is that this can be very confusing for your child and for the other daycare children.  

Experienced providers recommend that parents do not stop by to nurse while their child is at daycare.  Instead, breastfeed before and after daycare and as you usually would during the evening and nighttime.   If you like, send some breastmilk for your child to have with lunch please send in a leakproof conatiner.

For little ones who also like to nurse for comfort, you can slowly introduce a lovey or other comfort object as you nurse for comfort at home.  This little blanket or teddy can then help to comfort your child while at daycare.  

Planning ahead and consulting your home child care provider for guidance will help to ensure that the transition is as smooth as possible.

The week or two before care starts, I slowly build up the amount of time your child spends in my care – 

• Day 1 - 2 hours with mom (parent)
• Day 2 - morning without mom (parent)
• Day 3 - the morning with lunch
• Day 4 - most of the day with an early pick-up
• Day 5 - full day

I have found this fosters stronger attachments and builds relationships between yourself, your child, and myself that create comfort and security for everyone--especially considering the COVID-19 pandemic.

• I ask parents to fill out a "Getting to Know You" questionnaire that provides me with detailed information about their child. It includes questions like how the child communicates their needs, what their likes and dislikes are, what their behaviour is like when they are tired or when they wake up, and what their favourite snack or lunch item is.

• I am always prepared to offer lots of comfort and reassurance. I expect some tears and offer validation of your child's feelings. I help them to see the wonderful things about child care while also acknowledging that it's ok for them to miss their parent. Your child might need to be held a lot--especially if they are very young. By picking them up and holding them close I am helping to establish a secure relationship--one where they will feel safe and secure in the knowledge that I am there to take care of them and respond to their needs in a kind and caring way.

• During transition times with a new child try to be extra organized with regard to meals, activities, snacks, etc.  By preparing and planning ahead, it makes the transition days less stressful for everyone. 

• I maintain a consistent routine to help all children know "what's next" and help them to feel secure. 

There are many quick and easy little rituals that parents and providers can incorporate into a hello or goodbye transition.  Used consistently, they reinforce the connection that you have with a child and help to prepare the child for the upcoming transition.  

Here are a few examples: 

• Special type of hug, kiss or hug/kiss combo--a kiss on each eyelid, a double squeeze hug, etc.   "Hope your day is easypeasy lemon squeezy!" (with a little hand/arm squeeze). 
• High five, fist bump, special hand shake, elbow tap, or  wink. 
• Gentle tickle or other quick touch--a pat on the heart,  or a heart drawn with your finger on the back of a child's hand. 
• A special word or phrase: "To infinity and beyond! To the moon and back.  See you later alligator, after a while crocodile!  See ya Sunshine!" Any bit of banter that suits you and the child.  
• A special wave or gesture that the child can see through a window.  Blow a kiss or give a little window/door knock.  
• A hello/goodbye song or rhyme--great for a caregiver to cue the start and end of each day. 

Separation anxiety is very common and usually fades over time.  It is expected that most children will experience some degree of separation anxiety, especially during the transition to child care or school.  Some children, however, might experience a more extreme or extended type of separation anxiety.  

If you are concerned about your child's health, their anxiousness, if they seem to have excessive fears or worries, and/or if their distress is interfering with daily life, consult with your doctor or other health care professional.  If I am concerned about a child in my care, I will share my concerns with you so we can work together to best support your child. 

If you're looking for online resources about children and anxiety, you can find reliable information here:

• Anxiety Canada: Separation Anxiety 
• Anxiety Canada: When Anxiety is a Problem 
• Sick Kids: Anxiety Overview 
• CHEO: Anxiety and Stress Management

I know it can be difficult for parents to return to work and entrust their child to someone else’s care. Successful, quality care involves a partnership which benefits the child, the parent, and the caregiver. 

Knowing that the transition to child care can be emotional, and expecting that many children will experience some degree of separation anxiety, we can work together to ease the transition and support your child(ren) with care and kindness. 

Positive interactions between a child and myself form the basis of a supportive and responsive relationship. It is within this relationship that children grow and flourish.